DISASTROUS SECURITY BREACH!

IT'S TRUE! Another wretched deep-sea submersible has captured one of our MOST VALUED OPERATIVES in the middle of a project so important and sensitive even I don't know the details. Since nobody reads this blog except US, I feel OK relaying to the membership that we have a communique from captive Evil Albino Lobster Edward D. Wood, Jr., that s/he is comfortable in her new housing in some damned French science lab. True to form -- s/he is always so brave! -- he added that she's happy he had time to throw on her favorite angora sweater before being dragged unceremoniously to the surface. I took this message down from the machine on my waterproof phone: "This new arrangement affords me interesting new infiltration opportunities." That is one plucky crustacean. If my eyes still made tears I would shed one in quiet pride.

Here's hoping they don't irradiate one of the least-loved filmmakers of all time -- but if they do I hope he grows to a terrifying size and snaps his enormous ivory claws at them.